+ + +

Sunday, February 02, 2003
Well I decided to post this journal entry for Wade on here -- not really sure why, but it seemed like a good idea.

I haven’t been this glad to be alive in a long time, actually I can never remember a time. A couple days ago I had a car crash, and I don’t know if I am making a bigger deal out of it than it is, but it really has affected the way I look at things. I have never been that close to death before in my life. If I had spun 10 degrees more than I did, I would be dead from hitting a telephone pole. If the cart in the back of my car had been resting a little to the left, it would of shot through the seats and hit my boyfriend right in the head, he would be dead.If I had been going a little bit faster the car would have skidded into a major intersection hitting many other cars, who knows what the outcome of that would of been. While none of these events did happen, they still make me think how close I came to losing my life; how lucky I am to be able to sit and type this journal entry. What did happen was pretty bad looking at the car, it hit two telephone poles and is basically destroyed. Yet somehow neither Sam nor I were hurt. Everything around us was caved in, but the two front seats were left untouched. To me that is miraculous. It also makes me appreciate being here. I’ve been noticing recently that so many people are unhappy with their lives: they don’t like their family, job, attending school, or are just bored with it all. I was like this up until the last couple of months. Yet somehow all that seems so trivial. I guess seeing death up close makes you see what a blessing simply being alive is. It’s really something wonderful -- to be a rational being, able to think, hear, and see. At home last night I was listening to a Broadway version of the Lion King’s ‘A Circle of Life’; I felt so blessed just to be able to hear such beautiful music. A just stopped thinking of everything that was bothering me to listen to the beautiful melodies and harmonies come together to form a musical masterpiece. Things like that don’t seem to be noticed or appreciated enough. People get lost in what their latest test grade is, who is dating who, what the latest fight between friends is about, etc. These things get progressively more demanding and distracting -- preventing one from stepping back and looking at what is important. Maybe this next thing seems a bit farfetched, but it seems this type of distraction is what allows a lot of violence and wars to occur. If we all realized that just being able to be alive and a part of humanity is the most incredible thing we could ask for, then we would want to destroy massive amounts of civilians and military personnel, we would see no need to have weapons of mass destruction because all they do is destroy. They destroy the one thing that really matters: life. It’s not important whether a threat is growing in the Middle East(which really means they are going to hike oil prices); it doesn’t matter how our relations with China or Russia are; it doesn’t matter how much of a Hegemon the US is; it doesn’t matter whether the US has veto power in NATO or the UN. What is important is that people are alive and able to enjoy their life. I don’t know if we all get caught up in technicalities of governing, or if these things really are for some “greater peace, ” but it seems to be all these things do are lead to conflict, war, and death. Yes I’m naive, I just wish everyone would realize that we aren’t in some competition, and that we should simply enjoy being alive and being able to enrich ourselves with the arts of humanity. I know why, but I can’t comprehend how people could destroy another human being, no matter what their government told them the purpose was. Yes, somehow this whole rant started with me getting in a car accident, but to me realize how close I came to death made me not only be thankful for being alive, but also never want to take that gift of life away from another.

posted @ 10:29 PM