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I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who ever lived. I see all this potential and I see it squandered. Goddamnit an entire generation! Pumping gas and waiting tables, the slaves with white collars. Advertising has its taste in cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle-children of history, man. No purpose or place; we have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war - our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact, and we're very, very pissed off.

"If you wanna sing out, sing out." ~Cat Stevens

"Its suppossed to be hard; if it wasn't, everyone would do it: it's the hard that makes it great." ~A League of Their Own

"No, the opposite of love is indifference."

"I have great faith in fools-- my friends call it self-confidence." ~Edgar Allen Poe

"As long as you laugh at yourself you will never cease to be amused."

"Beware the fury of a patient man" ~John Dryen

"When they discover the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be dissapointed to discover they aren't it."

"To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing it's best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting." ~E.E. Cummings

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." ~George Bernard Shaw

"Always another wonder to ponder." ~Winnie the Pooh

"Music is not the technique and melody, but the meaning of life itself, infinitely sorrowful and unbearably beautiful." ~Pearl S. Buck

"Evil has only the power we give it." ~Ray Bradbury

"Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there is still time to change the one you are on." ~Led Zeppelin

"There are things known and things unknown and in between are The Doors." ~Jim Morrison

"Do or do not, there is no try." ~Yoda

"Say goodbye to the oldies but goodies, cause the good old days aren't always good, and tomorrow aint as bad as it seems." ~Billy Joel

"I need no warrant for being and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction." ~Ayn Rand

1 - see Uptown Girls
2 - buy textbooks
3 - sort college stuff
4 - start classes
5 - read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
6 - organize dorm
7 - learn to make coffee
8 - have crazy sex
9 - get drunk
10 - kill amy
11 - watch Two Towers
12 - learn circular knitting
13 - knit Kelly's scarf
14 - read Perk of Being A Wallflower
15 - organize books
16 - read The Dragon Reborn
17 - get Options Abroad Session
18 - fix TV/VCR/DVD Player

"Peace isn't achieved through violence" ~Albert Einstein

"If the sun comes up tomorrow, it is only because of men of good will. That is all there is between us and the Devil" ~Kenny O'Donnell

"Let us celebrate by adding chocolate to milk." ~Homer Simpson

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you may miss it." ~Ferris Bueller

"There are plenty more fish in the sea... But you must go a long, long way to find an angel fish." ~Salmon Rushdie, Haroun and the Sea of Stories

"Living in the sunlight all the time, they wish to see the stars." ~Salmon Rushdie, Haroun and the Sea of Stories

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time." ~Fight Club

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin --- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be seved, a debt to be payed. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." ~Fr. Alfred D'Souza

"I have to go to college --- Why?!?!? ---- Because that's what you do after high school!" ~Orange County

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." ~Rhett Butler Gone With the Wind

"Hey, how come he gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!" ~Bender The Breakfast Club

"Know theyself? If I knew myself I'd run away." ~Johann Wolfgang con Goethe

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and likes you just the same."

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

"Sharing a life is sharing steps in time, the music is different to each of us, but how beautiful the dance."

"You say you want a revolution, well you know, we all want to change the world." ~The Beatles

Alien: You're an interesting species, and interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only think we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.

"Sweet memories are woven from good times."

"I'll lean on you, and you'll lean on me, and we'll be okay." ~Dave Matthews Band

"I will remember you, will you remember me? Don't let you're life pass you by, weep not for the memories." ~Sarah McLachlan

"Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?" ~Star Wars, ObiWan

"Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in our dreams?" ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

"Things do not change, we change." ~Thoreau

"It would be an awful waste of space if there weren't other forms of life." ~Cookiemonster

"After all there is but one race: humanity." ~George Moore

"For long you live and high you fly, and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry, and all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be." ~Pink Floyd

"We are agreed your ideas are crazy. What we have yet to determine is if your ideas are crazy enough to be true."

"I could die for you. But I couldn't and wouldn't live for you." ~Howard Roark, The Fountainhead

"The greatest man I never knew, lived just down the hall." ~Reba McEntire

Monday, June 30, 2003
So here they are:


  • Computer Science: 5 YESSS!!! I was sort of expecting this as it was one of the easier tests I've ever taken, but YES!!

  • Calculus: 5 Another YESSS!!! I wasn't expecting that (:

  • Warning, next comes the shocker, get a firm hold on your seats.
    Physics C: 4 yes I said 4. No I didn't hear wrong, I had it repeated to me. FOUR!!! In a class that I went to about 1/3 of the time, and my real grade was a 32!! I squealed and jumped up and down when I heard this one. My mom dropped everything she was holding.

  • Literature: 4 So I guess I can write alright after all (:



I am quite pleased. I have yet to get a grade lower than a 4 on all my AP's. (: This also gives me at 30 credit hours so far. That's a sophomore. YAYYYYYY!!!!!
posted @ 10:38 PM


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Friday, June 27, 2003
So I was reading one of my ex's blogs and he kept talking about how horrible his life is and how he's a big failure and stuff, and I know this sounds horrible, but I realized how happy I've become. When I was with him he was no different, but I was. I thought my life was horrible, I thought God hated me, I thought there was some big conspiracy to destroy my life, I thought my family gave me a excuse to be depressed. Then I realized that all I needed to be happy was to want to be happy. Now I really am happy. As of 10 minutes ago I don't regret ending that previous relationship, because I'm happy now. I'm single and happy. So I'm now going to go read Harry Potter V for the second time. It's and hour and 46 minutes earlier than I said I'd start it, but who cares.
posted @ 10:19 PM


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Tuesday, June 24, 2003
So it seems that I too am falling into the trap of never posting anymore. That could mean that I've got a life and so don't waste time on blogs....or that I simply have nothing to blog about. We're going to pretend it's the first. Anyway, Nietzsche is getting to me, I'm starting to ramble and getting headaches from thinking too hard. I mean what else can you do while sitting at a register at the Dollar Store with stupid people around you. I'm left with me and my Nietzsche filled mind. Luckly I have the relief of Harry Potter being on my mind. And I can still only say HOLY SHIT. I need to read it again. Saturday. On a different note, life at Penningtons is quite a change. Very nice. No parents. No Kerry. No parents. No Kerry. Makes for much quiter and peaceful time at the house. Did I mention no Kerry?
posted @ 11:41 PM


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Saturday, June 21, 2003
Just read Harry Potter in one sitting, no sleep, very tired, all I can say is HOLY SHIT and I'm going to have a heart attack.... HARRY POTTER!!!!!
posted @ 8:52 PM


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Friday, June 13, 2003
I just watched Dead Poet's Society for the first time and I have to say that's the best movie I've ever seen. The best one.
posted @ 1:33 AM


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Tuesday, June 10, 2003
I really can't wait to get out of my house. I normally try to take my family's issues as a laughing matter. I make a joke out of them. It's hard for me to keep doing that. I don't think things have ever been worse here. I literally get in my car at around 10 every morning and drive somewhere until either I go out at night or I'm tired enough to go home to bed. I just can't be home anymore. There is not a moment of peace in my house. My mom and sister are always fighting. Always. I'm sick of hearing my sister curse at my mom. I'm sick of seeing my mom hid in her room crying because of what has become of my sister. I'm sick of seeing what my sister has become. I used to hate my sister. It was a healthy sister to sister hate, maybe carried a little far, but still normal. Now I cry for her. I even pray for her. I don't even believe in God, yet I pray for her as a last resort. I'm sick of being able to tell stories about how fucked up my family is. They're only funny on the surface. I try to laugh so I don't cry over what has happen to my family. I just want it to be over. I want to have a normal family. I want to be able to hate my sister, instead I fear her and pity her. I want to be able to stay at home while my sister is awake. I want to be able to have a family dinner. I want to be able sit in my house for more than 5 minutes without hearing another fight. I want my mom to be happy. I haven't seen her happy in as long as I can remember. I really haven't. I want Brad and Gillian and my dad to be home so that I can see another normal person in my family, a person that can be happy. I want to be in a house that doesn't have holes in the wall and broken doors from my sister. I want to not have bruises on my arm from my sister. I want to stop fearing the explosion that is going to come. I want to not hear my sister screaming "all my dealers and in jail, I can't get any drugs" and know that she is not joking in the slightest. I just want a normal family. Not a happy family, no family is always happy. I want a normal family. One without cops, drugs, fights, and screaming being common, every-day things.
posted @ 4:42 PM


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Sunday, June 08, 2003
I think I found an explanation for constant headaches. Books I'm currently reading:

  • The Birth of Tragedy by Friedrich Neitzsche

  • Zen and the Brain by James Austin

  • The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kunrera
Who reads this kind of stuff during summer? Even worse, I've already got The Genealogy of Morals, Human, all too Human, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Beyond Good and Evil, and The Antichrist all by Neitzsche waiting to be read as well as Neitzsche by Heiddeggar. Why do I do this to myself? During Summer!

Edited to add: I'm also reading the second Harry Potter, cause I gotta finish em all in the next 13 days.
posted @ 8:36 PM


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Monday, June 02, 2003
Fuck you. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of you not wanted to be a "couple." Fuck you wanted me to talk whenever you want and not caring when I want to talk. Fuck you and your "I love you"s that turn out to be just words. Fuck you. I'm sick of spending hours and hours and hours with you and then having you ignore for a week. I'm sick of me always being the bad one. Fuck you. I'm sick of just being "together," I'm sick of trying to be more. I'm sick of hearing how much you care, then you not showing it. I'm sick of you wanting to just let things happen. Things don't just fucking happen. I'm sick of you expecting me to be there whenever you want; I'm sick of you expecting me to act however you want me to. Fuck you. You are not worth this. Fuck you.
posted @ 9:23 PM


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